Just about every work of fiction that deals with human relationships (are there any that don't!?) deals with the theme of the weaponization of loneliness in some way. Movies often have famous lines that sum up various dynamics of that theme: the fear of social rejection, concerns about living alone, the human need for friends, themes of bullying, revenge, conformity, betrayal, the search for identity, and ultimately, the universal human need to feel a sense of belonging. Here's one scene -- from the classic "Gaslight": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp5iPmpZiNE
I've prepared a list of examples below to get you started in looking for these themes in every movie you watch. It's a random list of titles across various genres along with some of the more iconic lines that capture some aspect of the weaponization of loneliness.
This exercise will build up your ability to spot the weaponization of loneliness as the common denominator in all the compelling stories that people write and perform. There are thousands more examples because the weaponization of loneliness is central to the human condition. Training ourselves to see it should strengthen our ability to resist those same patterns in real life. Below is my short list to get you started.
GASLIGHT -- "You're not out of your mind. You're slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind." -- The detective makes this point upon discovering that Paula's husband is plotting to obtain her fortune by way of gaslighting her. Key to "gaslighting" -- a term this story brought into our lexicon-- is the deliberate isolation of the victim. The isolation is designed to cause that person to lose touch with reality.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? – “You mean all this time we could have been friends??” – When her sister Blanche makes a startling confession after a life of cruel rivalry, Jane’s sense of jealousy and revenge against her sister subsides. She is shocked to realize that all that negative energy was wasted. As Blanche is dying, Jane realizes that they could have both had the love they wanted so badly--instead of living a tragic charade filled with hate.
12 ANGRY MEN – “Prejudice always obscures the truth.” -- Juror 8 seems to realize that it’s important not to let our emotions get in the way of looking objectively at facts. If he just went along with the other eleven jurors, the defendant on trial would have been condemned to death without a dispassionate look at the evidence. So, expressing your concerns, even as a minority of one, will influence others. Never forget that the purpose of censorship—especially self-censorship caused by the fear of rejection --is to prevent conversations and relationships that could influence others.
MARTY – “You don't get to be good-hearted by accident. You get kicked around long enough, you become a professor of pain.” -- Marty understands how social rejection causes people to avoid the risk of social engagement even though that avoidance leads to more loneliness.
THE WIZARD OF OZ – “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” – The Wizard exposes the number one rule of cults: make sure cult recruits remain unaware that they are duped and in a cult.
“There is no place like home.” – Dorothy expresses the universal yearning for that ultimate place of belonging: home.
IMITATION OF LIFE: “I’m someone else. I’m white, white, WHITE!” Sarah Jane is a biracial child who passes for white and feels the only way to be accepted is to identify as "white." Her line exposes the social pressures inherent in both racism and identity politics. This movie is heartbreaker.
LORD OF THE RINGS
“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” – Galadriel recognizes how our dealings with others ripple throughout time.
“One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.” – This inscription on the one ring represents the sinful urge to control others. All others. Which leads to our doom.
“There’s some good in this world, Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.” – Samwise
'I have found that it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.” – Gandalf reflects on the power of human relationships, that even the smallest acts of kindness reverberate throughout history.
MEAN GIRLS
“You can’t sit with us.” -- Reveals the essence of elitist attitudes and use of social rejection as a weapon.
“The rules aren’t real.” Shows how elitists feel entitled to move the goal posts whenever they want to.
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA -- “Oh, don’t be ridiculous Andrea. Everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.” Toxic boss and fashionista Miranda Priestly presumes that everybody yearns for her level of high social status. She projects her own desires onto everybody else, especially the urge to control others and her deep (and satisfying) belief that everybody must be jealous of her status.
CHINATOWN – “Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown.” – Sums up the tragic acceptance of corruption and cruelty in others.
CROSSING DELANCEY – “No matter how happy you are, if you’re alone, you’re sick.” – Bubbie’s statement reflects our need for others. At the same time she unwittingly points out the documented fact social isolation causes illness.
HUNGER GAMES – When Katniss asks the prostitute Finnick: “How do you get paid for the pleasure of your company?” he replies: “In secrets.” This exchange indicates that knowledge—in the form of confiding—can be the ultimate source of power over others, especially knowledge of others who are compromised. (Consider for example, the shameful secrets of guests to Epstein Island and the subsequent murder of Jeffrey Epstein in prison before he could reveal those secrets.)
OFFICE SPACE: -- “The ratio of people to cake is too big” – As Milton salivates for a piece of birthday cake at the office (about 12 slices for 40 people) we might reflect on how scarcity can breed fear, resentment, and a desire for revenge.
“Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles.” – Peter notes that social isolation is unnatural for people.
All of the above lines reflect patterns that I discuss in my book The Weaponization of Loneliness.
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